André's Blog

What happened to the girl i used to love, who once said
that her worst fear was losing me, to turn into the girl
that said that she doesn’t love me anymore?

In the conversation she dumped me she said:
“sometimes what your heart says
and what your mind says
are different things
always go with your mind
because the heart can lie”

But that’s not true, the mind can lie too. And it did,
at least to me. For months, my intuition was telling me
there is something wrong, but my mind told me not to
worry, my mind told me that everything was fine, while
my intuition was screaming otherwise.
How many times did I ask her “Is something wrong?”
because I just … I just felt like something was wrong,
but she always answered “Everything is fine.” And after
a while, I just gave up asking, knowing she wouldn’t
answer.

So, yesterday I talked to a person who I haven’t talked to
in months. Brent Newhall, from the #syllable chatroom
at FreeNode.
So, well for not having talked in a few moths, we talked a
while, about school, coding projects, and stuff like that.
But well, Brent didn’t know yet about the fact Julia dumped me,
and so asked how she was. So, I told him what happened,
and I guess, maybe he is right he was right when he said

dec 03 00:22:35 «BrentNewhall» Painful, but better to move on than stay in a dead-end relationship.

Anyways, it seems my fucking laptop started to get broken again!!!
I am starting to hate Asus…

Well, I haven’t posted in a few days, so i decided
to blaat some more in here.

Yesterday afternoon I went to DJ Kicken ( Henri Kicken )
To hook up his PC I fixed. Been there all afternoon,
setting up some stuff, like shared printer and shared folders.
Well, the printer didn’t want to be shared, some restrictions
in the EPSON driver software, so unfortunately that didn’t work.
Well, I guess, just me, fixing the PC of a famous dutch DJ,
oh well… maybe he is famous, but he is still a normal person.

Then some school blaat, We are in a audio project,
we need to code a program that applies some filters
and sound effect to sound. First I had to code a RIFF/WAVE
file reader. My source codes are online at
http://www.xs4all.nl/~andrevs/prohes
if someone wants to take a loot at it.

Seeing the end of the year coming near, I already started
writing a review of the past year. So it will be online in time
this year, becuase I was a little late last year, wasn’t I? :P
And well … last year it was in dutch, this year it will be in
english, in this blog.
And lately I have kinda neglected my dutch blog, since I guess
most readers are english-speaking, and my dutch readers can
read english anyways,

So, now some weather blaat, finally the weather is what it is
supposed to be for this time of year ( 7 *C / 45 * F )
Seriously, we could have had a BBQ for my birthday ( 17 *C / 65 * F)

Oh well … enough blaat for now, thanks for reading.

So, I’m 22 now, and will be for the next year.
Oh well… it’s just a number, but the thing I like,
is just yesterday, having fun with my friends.

So, first at 4 PM, Joyce arrived with the train.
Both Joyce and me are BlaatSchaap members.
BlaatSchaap is a chatroom, and so, both of us,
Joyce at the pc, I at the laptop, so we were chatting.
Kinda funny. Then we watched some anime.
Rurouni Kenshin. Shanna ( also BlaatSchaap member )
was downloading it from my pc. Yeah. I once
downloaded it, because someone ( don’t remember who )
recommended it, but never watched it, untill yesterday.
So, when the episode was almost finished, my phone rang,
to tell me, Hans departing in Sittard and would be at the
train station soon. So, we had to go to the train station again.
At the moment we wanted to leave the house,
Ashley and her bf Ricky arrived. Along with Nicole and Daniël,
who brought them over to my house. So, a with a little delay, we
left again to get Hans from the train station.
When we got back home, we decided to try the music keyboard
for the pc, one of the presents I got from my uncle and aunt.
Hans played some music. Joyce and Hans discussed some games,
Nintendo and stuff, not exactly my thing. So don’t ask me for details,
I don’t know anything about gaming consoles and stuff like that.
Two hours after that, we had to go to the train station again, to
get Chloé and Peter. Ashley and Ricky stayed at home, Ashley
playing with my laptop. ( so I still have to check she didn’t leave
any unwanted messages :P )
So, when we got back, it was time to start eating.
Raclette grill like every year.
After that we went back to my room, Hans played some
more music, and later I just played some mp3s.
Also we got a skype call from Shanna. :) also funny, but
at that moment my uncle came in to ask me something.
And Ricky took the laptop, not sure what he talked about.
But well…
Chloé and Peter went to home with the train again.
Since I didn’t drink any alcohol ( noone did, the first time that
happened since my 15th birthday i guess ) I could drive
some people home, in stead of my uncle. So I had to drive
Joyce, Rickey and Ashley home. That was more trouble then
expected, because the highway to Heerlen was closed, and so,
it took much longer then it normally would. But I got everyone
home, and then, back home, Hans stayed sleeping over here.
So, we only got back at 1 or something like that, driving for like
2 hours i guess ….
So we went to sleep, and slept till 10, found some breakfast,
Nicole and Daniël came also to here, and we ate the leftovers
of the meat, and Hans left back home with the train.

Well, and here a photo of my presents :P

Yay!!! Today is my birthday.
And school starts today at 13.15 ( in a few mins, writing this at school )
So I could sleep late, so, good.
And I got some presents from my uncle and aunt. A book, a small
music keyboard for my computer, with some software to learn to play,
and a Da Vinci Code DVD.

Earlier, I also got a few presents by mail from Shanna.
This cool necklace, american coins and a 1 dollar note.
And chocolate :P

I got two cards, one was with shanna’s presents, and I
got a card from my father.

That’s what I have so far, tonight, some family will and
friends of the family will come over. See what they bring.

Tomorrow some friends will come. So, that far my birthday.
Should go now, class started one minute ago :P :P :P

One hour to go and I will be 22!

So, friday is my birthday.
The day Shanna is going to call me old!
And Saturday ( Shanna’s birthday btw)
Some friends are coming over here,
well, the same again as every year, just
the a little different group of people.

But that means, I will still have to clean my room
and stuff…

Well, I am now also using the beta of Blogger.com
with gmail account integration and stuff,
and a much easier way to edit the templaten.
I can just add links and stuff, without having to
edit the html template code myself.
This is a beta that i am pleased about,
but there are also some betas that cause
troubles.

Windows Live Messenger 8.1 BETA
for example.
I installed it, it singed in, everything normal,
restarted computer, signed in again,
and it messed up everything.
It changed my nick to what it used to be a few
months ago, still saying that i love julia.
It messed up my contact list, what used to be
sorted in groups, all groups were emptied, just
everyone was in the default/ungrouped group.
But well… what to expect from a microsoft beta,
were the final products are still buggy it needs
to be patched every week.

Well, then here is the post, the one I was supposed to
write the other post, about the note I wrote in the train.

Now, one and a half months after Julia dumped me,
not a day goes by that i don’t think of her, but, what
I realised, I think of the girl I fell in love with in January.
I think about the girls who used to say that I was the
antidote to all her pains, the girl who used to say that
she was additeced to me, and would get withdrawls if
she didn’t talk to me for even just one day.
I love the girl she used to be, kind, understanding,
accepting and loving me for who I was.
But the person she is today, is just a stanger to me,
she changed, I don’t know her anymore,
I still love the girl she used to be, but I realised
the girl I love doesn’t exsist anymore.
Julia dumped me 1,5 months ago, but I lost her months ago.
But the memories, noone can take those away,

I read back at the shared blog Julia and I used to have,
Our Dark Souls.
( It is kinda messed up, after I upgraded to Blogger.com Beta.
Julia’s Posts show up with my name as well, even through I
left the blog back when I was dumped, leaving Julia as blog
admin, it seems, the migration messed that up and made me
the only owner of that blog. Anyways… back then… it was real )

If you want to read the original note, click here

I guess, I can write better stuff while in train, then sitting
in front of my computer.