Archive for December, 2006

As promised, here is my review of the past
year. This year in time because I wrote
this like a month ago :P Enjoy!

~~~Review of the past year~~~

So, this year I started a little earlier writing my new
years post, to be sure it will be finished on time.

Last year, I was a little late, and in dutch, so
I guess, this year will be better.

Yeah … the past year … a lot has happened the past
year. A lot has happened….


* One year ago I…

I used to be depressed.

The past year I…

* I found and lost the love of my life.
* I found and some great music.
* I found some great friends, but lost some too.

The past year was…

* First Birthday of BlaatSchaap.
* First BlaatSchaap Meeting Failed.
* The Year of international love.
* Demos no more fun


So, the past year. One year ago, I used to be really depressed.
I don’t want my worst enemy to go through what i went through
one year ago. Now, it is hard to imagine how it used to feel.
Someone who never was depressed can’t understand how it feels,
thinking how hard it is for me to imagine that now, how I used
to feel one year ago.
Yes, I still have my days that i feel like shit, but that is
nothing compared to what I used to feel like one year ago.
But, looking back, I guess, it made me a better person,
I guess I am caring more about people, prepared to listen
to their problems. Going through that for the experience,
to be able to understand.


Yes, one year ago I used to be depressed, but in december,
Julia added me to msn, she used to be depressed too, and we
helped each other over it. We used to talk a lot, and soon,
we fell in love. I told her I loved her at January 23rd.
A weird coincidence, since that was the date my mother died
back in 1988. We really loved each other, but it wasn’t meant
to last. How much we were alike back then, that much we are
different now. Back then she acted like she was double her age,
but the last months, she started acting like a half her age.
Most people grow up when they get older, but it seems some
grow down. It wasn’t meant to last. I guess I have written
a lot about this subject the past few months. I am happy I got
out now, not to have it end like my father and Yolande.
I want to remember who Julia and me used to be, we were so
in love, but I guess, same as for being depressed, it’s hard
to imagine now how it used to feel. Still, no matter what
happens, noone can steal my memories of what used to be.


Back in december 2005. It was 20 december, one of the worst
days in my life. Ms. Hillenaar made an appointmeny at the
docter for me. I went there 21 december, thinking
“Please lock me up before I hurt myself!!!!”
So, that was just 3 days after Julia added me to MSN,
at 18 december that was.
So, that docter gave me pills, and made an appointment
at a shrink. But that was only 2 January.
So, well, those pills made me feel better, and well,
I had to take three a day, and the first days, I just
felt when it was time to take another one, when I started
feeling like shit again, but as the week passed by,
talking to Julia every night, I started to feel lots
better, and in the end, just forgetting about the pills
because I didn’t feel that bad anymore.
So, one week later I had to check up at the dokter again,
and told him that I wanted to stop the pills because I didn’t
need them anymore,
So, then, when I went to the ‘intake conversation’ at the shrink,
the ‘doorstep’ as they called it, I told them I was feeling
lots better, and well, I had to come back one time for the
results, what was that I didn’t have to see her again.


Also, the year of music, I can’t imagine the music I used
to listen to two years ago. Hardcore. The Dutch Hardcore,
not the one my international readers may think of, but
dutch hardcore, agressive electronic music, lots of beats,
and some songs have quitte racist lyrics. Hard to imagine
I used to be like that two years ago. But it was because of
some of my friends back then. One and a half year ago, I met
Tom, and thanks to him, I got into rock and metal. One of my
new friends I mentioned in the post one year ago, but sadly
I’ve kinda lost contact with him. Hardly see him anymore.
I used to see him every week at my student union Demos, but
everyone stopped going there, and I considder to stop going
there too, because it’s no more fun.
Anyways, back to were I was, music, after I started to listen
to rock/metal, I refused to listen to electronical music, but
I found that back, electronical music I like is Groove Coverage and
Cascada. But my music taste went to Emo.
That’s something that also started in november 2004, that is when
I first heard about emo. Downloaded some music, liked it,
and downloaded more. Were I used to listen to mostly metal a
year ago, I suppose now I listen more emo. I also started listening
some nederpop again, a genre I used to listen 3 or 4 years ago, and well,
listening that again too. So, I suppose I have a wide music taste,
just take a look at my page. Yeah,, a site I’
found in the past year too. It was recommended by one of the Interlink
members at an open door at school. I am a subscriber at that site
now, and the loved tracks radio is great.
I am at some groups there, and met some people over there too.


Another site I joined is Mimi kept spamming links of
people she thinks were hot. And then when Brandon had a profile too, I
decided to join. Brandon is one of the people I met at
Also because of Brandon, I know of the band “Your Forgotten Love”
I really like that band. Oh well … vampirefreaks. I am in a few cults.


Also, back to a little BlaatSchaap history 2006.
2006, the year of international love at BlaatSchaap.
The first international relationship at BlaatSchaap was Julia and me.
Well, talked a lot about that already, didn’t I?
The seccond international relationship was Toni (egmo) and Mirelys (mimi).
That was the shortest of them all. It all ended when Toni moved
and he wasn’t online for months. Oh I still remember how Julia
reacted when Mirelys ended that relationship. So Julia? What
do you say about that now? Afin, the next relationship was
Sara and Justin, it ended on the same day Julia dumped me.
The first of october. I guess on that date everything at
BlaatSchaap changed. The fourth international relationship,
Shanna and Patrick. I remember when Shanna just joined
BlaatSchaap, told her about the international relationships,
and predicted she would fall in love with someone in the
chatroom too, and that happened.
Shanna and Patrick, the only international relationship
left at BlaatSchaap.
Well, not completely true, but the only one of the ‘original’
After Egmo and Mirelys broke up, Mirelys has a short relation
with Dustin, and left Dustin again, back to Toni, but not for
long, they broke up soon again. And yes, again Julia was
talking about Mirelys how she could do such a thing.
Again, Julia, what’s your opinion on that now?
After Sara and Justin broke up, Sara and Lars started
a relation, and they are still together. So, at the
moment there are two international relationships at
BlaatSchaap, were just one of the ‘original’ relationships
The first of october. A day a lot changed. Sara dumped Justin
Julia dumped me. After she dumped me, Shanna, Patrick and Joyce
talked to me on Skype. That really helped a lot. I would have
lost my mind or w/e if they didn’t. Thanks again for that.
That night, Shanna and Patrick promised me, they would never
break up. Please keep that promise!
Those events that happened that day, made them
become closer friends. So I guess, there is still something
positive about that. But on the other hand, it created a
bigger distance between us and the rest of BlaatSchaap.
I guess I never had a real conversation with Sara ever since
she is with Lars. That makes me kinda sad.


In Summer 2006, there was supposed te be a BlaatSchaap
meeting in London. Lars and Joyce came up with that idea
in January. Well, it didn’t happen sadly. First Lars
couldn’t come. Then Julia couldn’t come. She said her
mother keps ‘forgetting’ about the tickets and her
father didn’t want her to go. Now I am wondering,
was that all true, or was it just an excuse not
to come, because she couldn’t look into my eyes.
I guess i’ll never know.
And Joyce’s grandfather was very ill and would
die soon, around the days of the meeting, so that’s
the reason she couldn’t go to the meeting, so
noone could go to the meeting, and it got cancelled.

Let’s just hope the meeting in Summer 2007 won’t
be cancelled like last year.


Well, also a bit about Demos. Demos is my student Union,
were I used to go every wednesday. In my time of depression
it was my feel-good-place. But, I suppose, after the christmas
break, it just doesn’t feel like it used to anymore.
Also, my friends who used to go there, they all quit,
except for Hans. And now, I just don’t think it’s fun
going there anymore.
Demos, something that was so good in the beginning, and
also ended like nothing.
My friends, who I met at the introduction camp, Tom, Damiën,
Chloé, Peter. I hardly see them anymore. Yeah… Chloé and Peter
were at my birthday party. I sometimes talk to Chloé on MSN.
But Tom and Damiën. I hardly ever talk to them.


Also, looking back on what I wrote last year. Last year
I wrote that family stuff was getting better, I was
referring to Nicole back then. Well, Nicole has returned
to her old self again, acting like she lives in this
house, trying to tell me what to do. She doesn’t live
here, but I do, so, see my problem. And Nicole is
always complaining about my hair. She hates my hair,
now I let it grew. She is back to her annoying self,
Wasn’t it like two years ago, my uncle and nicole
agreed what she woundn’t be here as much as she
used to, but now she is here again almost every


~~~ Nothing is what it seems ~~~
~~~ Expect the unexpected ~~~
~~~ Happy New Year!!! ~~~

So, one more day, and it’s the last day of the year.
A day to look back at the past year. Or to say it
better, tomorrow I will post my review of the
past year. lol I wrote that one month ago, but
anyways, I will post that tomorrow, take your
time, because it’s a lot to read.

A lot has happened the past year. A lot has

Soms is ‘t beater iets moeis te verleeze.
Beater verleeze dan dat ge ‘t noeit het gehad.
Rowwen Hèze – Heilige Anthonius

Sometimes it is better to loose something beautifull,
better to loose it, then never have had it al all.

But no matter what happenes, I will never give up.
I guess, in that, I am like my father. He has his dream,
and he is trying to realise it, for as far as I can remember.
He lost everything doing so, but he never gave up, and still
kept trying, many people called him a fool for doing so,
but that didn’t stop him.
And so am I. No matter what people say, I will never
give up. My dreams, my future. It’s this pride also
what kept me alive one year ago.

Well … tomorrow a lot more blååt for you to read.

Time for another update.
So, Hans, Joyce and I went to see Eragon.
It was a great movie. Oh well … I shouldn’t
forget to mention the insence Joyce gave me for
So back to the movie. It was just great, you
should go to see it.
But well … at the cinema were we went, there was
at first a mistake in the screen ratio, but that got fixed
soon, and we could watch the movie at the full screen.

Oh well … that’s the update for now, not much happening
in my boring life :P thanks for reading anyways.

I hope you people had a good Christmas.
Yesterday we ate duck, today we had Deer.
Yeah… Christmas, the days of the special food.
Also had some nice presents,like a salt lamp,
a book “What the bleep do we know” and a dvd
“Atomic Twister” and a bottle of elPico Passion.

Christmas was fine over here, but the news
to hear that even on a day like Christmas,
victims of an auto bomb in Bagdad.
Just sad, even on a day like Christmas.

And what’s also sad, Julia, It is even too much
for her that I wished her a merry christmas on
her profile. She removed the message,
and that, while she is in the top-3 of my blog
readers. Oh well … Julia: have fun reading my blog.

So, tomorrow Hans and I will go over to Joyce,
and we will go to see Eragon. Oh yeah…

Merry Christmas!

Joyeux Noël!

Fröhliche Weihnachten!

God Jul!

Vrolijk Kerstfeest!

One year ago,
18 december 2005, at 23:53 local time (GMT+1)
That’t the time Julia added me to MSN.

(And yes, Julia, I know you have been reading
my blog for the past weeks. FTW!)

So, since you’re reading this anyways, I want to take
you back to an other day, a memory of the person you used
to be, kind, understanding, and always prepared to help a
friend. Remember that night, that night, we stayed all
night, talking to mimi, that night she was really feeling
like shit. It was a friday, I stayed awake till about
3 AM. We talked to her all night, trying te help her.

Yes, that’s what used to be. Always trying to help a friend.
That’s also what BlaatSchaap used to be about,
BlaatSchaap, a family, always ready to help each other.

I don’t know if you remember those days, but I do.

I also remember the things you said about mimi,
when she broke up with toni, was with dustin, and back
with toni again.

That person, and you, are different people.

Two letters, two CDs, and my memories of who you used
to be, that’s all I’ve left from what used to be us.

What about you? Do you still have the letters I sent?
My cds and dvds? and the necklace? I remember how
you freaked out when you lost it, back then, but
what about now?

This week I have been listening some music I usually don’t.
Been looking through my music collection, and listened
to what whould be a normal playlist about two years ago,
containing scooter, yakooza, groove coverage and Specail D.
Then, I have been listening to classical music,
Christmas Songs, a list of music from cds about 2002-ish.
A list of dutch songs from the 90’s. BassHunter and Kobojsarna.

Lots of different music, what isn’t in every week.
The week is over soon, so we’ll see what my stats do :P :P

SO, I started decorating my room for christmas.
Something I’ve done every year, expect last year.
Because, as my blog readers proberbly know, one
year ago I used to be depressed. But well, this year I am not.

Listening to :
Mud – Lonely this Christmas.
Wham – Last Christmas.

I am not depressed… but still I guess I am a bit lonely,
thinking back about the past year. Well, just wait and see
my readers, about my post next monday, even through
some of you have already read it, for the rest of you,
it will be online monday.

Have fun, cya then

~~ The Laughing Emo ~~

So, today, a wednesday, that means, no classes.
Usually I go to Hans to watch dvds then, but today
we went to the christmas caves in Valkenburg.

So, we went to Valkenburg by train.
There are two chistmas caves, and the first cave
we went to was the ‘gemeentegrot’
It was nice cave, and I bought some stuff over there
including a salt lamp, and some presents for shanna
and joyce.

After we visited the cave, Hans and I had some
Reibekuchen, and walked towards the other cave.
We stopped at a pub, were I had a glass of glühwein.
( Hans just had a cola ) And we went off to the
other cave, the “fluweelengrot”. In that cave, there
were exhabitions with clay dolls. Really great looking.
They turned out to be hand-made, and we had a talk
with the artist who made them in the cave.
Yeah… quitte cool to have a talk with such great artist.
And also, another artist was in the cave, a painter, who
made quitte good paintings. Also talked to him a bit.

Well … off course it was still a christmas market, and not
an art exhabition, but well … the stuff to buy was better
at the other cave, but the art, really beautifull.
At the fluweelengrot I bought some christmas lights,
that’s about it.

After also visiting that cave, we went to eat a pancake,
and then went back home,

Yay, yesterday there was some activity back in
#BlaatSchaap. The Chatroom is back to life!
I hope it stays thay way, but with the return of
both sara and justin into the channel, and two
new recruits, eva-lution and Svavelflickan,
the activity has returned, and even MiniKirk
joined the conversation, who is usually only

So, the chatroom was back to live yesterday.
Just hope it will stay that way,

that’s all for now, my friends
cya in the chatroom.