Archive for November, 2008

Zoals sommige van jullie misschien wisten,
was ik maandag jarig. Dan waarom ik er nu
pas over blog, heel simpel, mijn internet
was DOOD. Werd ik maandag wakker, geen
internet. Helemaal dood. Op het werk deed
het internet het gewoon, maar ja daar ga
ik niet zitten bloggen he. Dus ja, maandag
naar huis. Nog steeds geen internet.
Tegen 22:00 maandag deed het internet **iets**
en met iets bedoel ik een gemiddelde snelheid
van 30 bytes per seconde en een lag van een
half uur. Geen bruikbare internetverbinding dus.
Het enige protocol dat onder die onerbarmelijke
omstandigheden iets wilde doen was irc, maar
zeg nou zelf een gesprek voeren waarbij je
het antwoord pas een half uur later ziet is
niet te doen.

Vanmorgen deed mijn internet weer normaal, mooi
dus. En nog wat, vrijdag ga ik naar een concert
van sabaton!

Zo mensen, de uitslag van mijn zweeds tentamen is bekend.
Het is dus een B
(de punten gaan hier van A naar E, en A is dus het hoogste)

Hoi mensjes,

ikke heb dus mijn Zweeds tentamen gehaald. Het punt heb ik nog niet,
volgende week wordt dat bekend gemaakt, maar de lerares zei dat
iedereen die hertentamen moest doen, hier al een bericht over had


En dan wordt als het goed in mijn inschrijving gelijk goed geregeld,
want ja, met dat gedoe dat ik mij mijn aankomst had, staat mijn
deelname aan de cursus niet correct geregistreerd. Alhoewel mijn
lerares de beheerder hier meermaals over gemaild heeft, is dit nog
niet verhoplen. Maar als de beheerde de punten toegemaild krijgt,
en deze meot invoeren, komt die er vanzelf wel achter dat ik niet
goed in de computer sta en zal dit euvel worden verholpen…

Daarnaast moet ik nog wat formuliertjes over mijn stage naar de
International Office hier schoppen dat dat ook eens geregeld wordt.
Wat een gedoe allemaal zeg.

Let’s just say this. When I would date someone,
and that person would want only want sex on the
first date. Then I say No!

In a relationship it should be about love, not
about just sex.

When I do not now a thing about this person,
it should not be like that. I do not even
know his name, but all this person wanted
was to have sex, and keep it all a secret.

No, no thanks! I won’t be your fuck buddy!

and no. I have not mentioned who this person is,
and how can I? I don’t even know him. So no, I
have not told anyone about, really.

Again an article about how the present will be lost forever.
How our ‘modern’ society will be lost forever.
The ‘digital life’ we live nowadays. How our ‘data’ will be lost forever.
What will the world in 500 years know about the life people live nowadays.
What will they know about us. History has been written down for centuries.
Written op paper. We can still read what has been written on paper. But
nowadays, much of that paper has been replaced by digital recordings.
Will those still be readable in a 500 years? There have been articles like
this before, and I think I’ve written about it before. We live in the modern
dark ages. The present will be lost forgood, maybe sooner then we realise.

Just try to read floppies created with a comodore 64 on a modern machine.
It’s virtually impossible. Not only modern machines don’t have 5¾” drives
anymore. The comodore 64 formatted its floppies in a way PC hardware is
unable to read.

And what about me. What is my place in this modern society of anomynously.
Our ‘digital’ lifes. What is my place? What is my role in this world.
If I would die tomorrow, would anyone remember me? Would anyone miss me?

My life, my digital life. Oh. I am around on many places in this
‘modern world’ on the internet. Started a community, back in 2005.
Yeah. I got my BlaatSchaap. But is that all??? I wish for more.
Not to only have this digital life. I wish for something more real.
It’s not that my is only what I have on the interner. I mean, there
are people I work with, people I meet at the student’s pub, but still.
I only meet them there. And what if I wouldn’t go to the student pub,
would anyone even notice I wasn’t there? would they? I doubt it.

The thing is. The reason why. I am affraid to be forgotten. That
noone will remember me when I am gone. That I will just be a ghost.
Just turn into nothing. That is what I fear most of all. To just,
just be forgotten like I was never there at all.

What is my life about anyways? What’s the purpose of life? I want
to mean something to the world. Not just to exist without a purpose.
And yet, it all seems so meaningless. So useless. Like it doesn’t
matter anyways. The world would go on without me, and noone would
notice a difference if I would just drop dead tomorrow. That’s
what bothers me.

What I am trying to say. I feel lonely. I am really wishing to
belong somewhere. or rather, to someone. I am just wishing to
be loved. I am just looking for some love. Being single sucks.

I am not saying I am not happy. But it’s just. I wish for something
more then this life I am living now. I am wishing for… what’s it
that I am wishing for? What is love anyways? What does it mean?

Oh, I have my dreams, my desired, what I wish it would be like to
love someone. To be in a passionate intense relationship. I would
want to spend as much time as possible with that person. Just, to
be happy together. I would go insane missing this person when we
are not together. Just, looking at that person, just a touch, that
would already mean a lot to me. Just some small details, meaningless
to the rest of the world I guess. Still… just dreams, just desires.
I am still alone…. still looking…. still waiting… but I don’t
want to just wait and see nothing like that will happen at all.

Welcome to the emptyness of ‘modern’ life, welcome to the new dark ages.

Sooo… past week, weird week.
Let’s start with some… well… something that got me upset.
It seems, this person, Nikolái, is chatting on some chatroom
on an irc network named HoaxNET. Nikolái, (nikki or piknikki on irc)
If you are a regular reader of my blog or chatter in the blaatschaap
chatroom, you will know who this person is, and what this person
once meant to me, and how it ended. But that’s nothing to do with
this. So, joyce was at that server, joined a chatroom about parakeets,
because she has such a bird. Ichigo it’s called, japanese for strawberry btw,
but also a personage from the anime bleach. Anyways, back to the topic
so she joined that chatroom, and then the network operator banned her.
It seems Nikki complained to the network operator about joyce.
I know Nikki always disliked joyce, and I also know he’s avoiding me
like hell after he told me the truth that he is actually a she.
Well… more or less…. started doing that two days after that, but
well… that’s not what this is about. It’s about sending the network
operator after my friends. It’s about that if that Nikki person got
problem with me or my friends, I hate it when he sends other people
to solve it in stead of telling his problem himself to us.
That is what happened sunday one week ago, and I am upset about this.

This network operator, his nickname is Jorijn. After that he had me
calling joyce back and had eileen join as well and we talked about
the situation. Eileen refuses to return there because she feels
insulted. I refuses to stay away, because if I did, it would be a
victory for Nikki. At least from my point of view. But there are
some other things I wonder about. What is the relation between
this Jorijn and Nikki. It just maked me think about something someone
said to me about Nikki, about two month ago. I just hope this person
is not who I suspect he is, that would be TOO MUCH of a coincidence.

Enough about that. please I do not want to think about this N. person
again! Never ever again! I wish I NEVER EVER heard of this person.

So now that is told back to some other weirdness. Well just a short
peice then. Like last week saturday there was this boy at the studentkårhus,
but then he got pissed at me for no reason. So then yesterday he came to
me and kept apologising all evening. Well.. I must say the the fact he
kept apologising all night kinda flattered me. Oh well… life for sure
ain’t that boring at the moment, but still. I wish for something else to
happen. Ya know