André's Blog

Weer eens een blogje in het Nederlands,
Gister naar school geweest voor het opstarten van het project.
Begon nogal problematisch, omdat we bij het lokaal stonden,
en niemand kwam opdagen. Nu bleek, dat die vent pas die ochtend
te horen had gekregen dat hij gister dat praatje had moeten houden.
Maar toen hij eindelijk aan het praten was, kreeg ik gelijk zin in het
project, eindelijk eens een project met meer inhoud dat zitten op een
stoel en niks doen. Ook krijgen we kleinere projectgroepen van
maximaal 4 personen, dus dat werkt ook al een stuk mee om werk
gedaan te krijgen. En zo te horen is overbodige documentatie niet
erbij in dit project, in tegenstelling tot het vorige project dat hoofdzakelijk
uit overbodige documentatie ging, en niet over inhoud, lijkt dit project
het totaal tegenovergestelde, en dat zeg ik nu al voordat het
project eindelijk eens begonnen is. Hopelijk staan de roosters
op tijd op de site.

En vandaag, een excursie naar Neways in Son. Die was zeker de
moeite waard, helemaal een rondleiding door de productie en magazijn
gehad en zo voort. Echt wel de moeite waard.

So, yesterday we had the startup college for my new project.
It sounds rather interesting, and it seems this project is no
ass-sitting-project like the other project, I should actually
use my brain this time,
( should it still work after 4 years of not using it? )
Cool teacher, small project groups, the actual work counts,
not the paper-mess for that much, like the old project.

And today, we had this tour in this electronics company.
Were they make PCBs and stuff, lots of machines that
mount components at the PCBs and stuff, cools,
I think the word geekgasm could be used. :P

and btw. My Zeta CD finally arrived in the mail.

I spilled tea on my keyboard, and now it is half dead.
Lucky me, I have lots of them in the attic, in my
“computer-working-room” were at this moment,
The computer of DJ Kicken is for a repair. :P

Anyways, the CD I ordered Compass, by Your Forgotten Love,
arrived in the mail today. Great music, I feel sorry for them,
I had to pay $ 5.00, and the stamps were $ 4.20.
Oh well… I am still enjoying this great music now.

Listening to : Your Forgotten Love – Her Fair Judgment.

Your Forgotten Love at Last.fm
Your Forgotten Love at MySpace (with previews)

Well, one month ago, Julia and I split up.
Now, I want to tell about how it started in the first place,
So, it was december 2005. I was depressed and bored,
taking a quiz on quizilla, titles ‘are you bored’ and it gave
me a link to a forum named ‘normal is overrated’
That forum, was were I know Julia from. From that site,
in my profile, my msn adress, she added me to her msn.
December, that was. And then we started talking.
Both her and me used to be depressed. And we talked
about that, about our lives, and such. That really helped me.
Back then, we really supported each other.
In that time, we talked a lot, and we were very alike,
sometimes it felt like i was talking to myself.
We likes the same music, we both like tea, many shared
experiences, views of things. She was like another me.
So, soon, I fell in love with her, but well, did we have a
chance? With the age difference, living so far from each
other, I didn’t think so, so I never said anything about
my feelings. Also, being as shy as I am, I never had the
courage to say anything anyways.
But well, then, january passing my, and the 22th january.
Joyce told that she loved me, and that was the beginning
of a kinda short relationship with Joyce, then 2nd.
I was with Joyce like 4 years before that too.
But well … off course I mentioned it in the chatroom, and
because I was with Joyce, I wanted to tell Julia what I felt
for her after all. Not that there could be anything between us,
I was with Joyce. I was still being a bit depressed back then.
Julia was having to go to her gransparents every weekend.
And, during such a weekend, I felt miserable, and when Julia
got online again, I was happy again. On one such weekend,
how miserable I felt, I realised how much I loved Julia.
That is when I decided to break up with Joyce and be with
Julia. Maybe that was stupid, maybe I was a fool doing so,
but, I had no choise, feeling like that, she was the reason I
lived for. And that is how it started, Julia and me. We were
happy. We were like the perfect couple, we were so much alike.
We were thinking like one mind. It was so perfect, I used to beleive
she was my soulmate. That we used to be together in a previous life.

But as the time passed by, we grew apart. How much alike we
were back then, so different we are now. And I think, it was
already over since about June, just not wanting to realise it,

But that is how it ended, we grew apart, and the feelings faded away.

And, now, looking back, I think it was foolish to beleive it would
last for ever in the first place, Julia and I, online maybe perfect,
in real life, impossible, a forbidden love.

Well, I have told my story now,
thanks for reading.

Zo mensen, lang niet meer in het nederlandse blog gepost.
Want de hele zooi is alleen in het engels gepost.
Ondertussen al bijna anderhalve maand niet gerookt,
maar nog steeds, vooral bij koud weer, krijg ik toch
verdomme zin in een sigaret. Maja… verder …
‘t gaat wel, kon beter, maar heb erger mee gemaakt.

Nu bezig met plannen verjaardagsfeest en zo voort.
Moet ook gebeuren. Maja …

Heya,

well, about yesterday’s post. I don’ t want to worry anyone.
I am feeling fine now. But well … just … in the past days I
have more sad times then usual. But, well, no time to worry yet,

thx,

André

It was about one year ago, that I started to get depressed.
One year ago, when I started to feel lonely and sad.
But, back in that time, Demos, my student union, used
to be my feel-good-place. But now, I don’t give a shit
about Demos anymore. The atmosphere at Demos changed.
I don’t like it there anymore.

But, I am affraid, I am starting to have my sad moments again,
and stuff, I don’t want to go back there, but, I don’t know.
Yes, I do also have moments that I am happy and all, but still
these sad feelings seem to become more often :(
I don’t want this to happen, but I am affraid it is happening again :(

Just some random stuff this time.
First, I haven’t smoked for 1 month + 1 week now.

Love, peice and happyness have returned to BlaatSchaap.
To see Lars and Sara like that. Never seen them happier.

And also seeing Julia to have a new bf, Brian, even I have
never talked to him, but just from what I hear from Julia,
they are happy together too.

And also other people around me, oh well, I am happy
for them. To see they are happy, it makes me happy
too, but still, also, it makes me sad, being alone.
I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want somebody to love.

But I don’t see that happen soon, because I am so fucking shy.
I never could just, just say anything about my feelings when
talking to a girl, or something, w/e

Yes, that is silly me again, thanks for reading it anyways,

ZETA 1.21

And I still don’t have it.
Pre-odered it,
but mails from Magnussoft were marked as spam
by my spam filter, so, that is the first problem.
The seccond is all the stuff they need.
I need to send them my original ZETA 1.0
instllation cd, and the invoices.

Back in the yellowTab days, I ordered my cds
at Mensys. Never had problems, just logged in,
ordered my upgrade, payed, and got my cd
a few days later. I was in the computer, they
knew I bought a prevois version, and send me
the cd for the upgrade price.

But now I order the cd at Magnussoft, troubles.

I likes BeOS since I read the first review, and,
I think, yellowTab screwed it up, I hoped
magnussoft could make it better then yT did,
but seeing it to start like this, I am affraid not.

Mooo,

So, an update for now, quick one, I was about to go to sleep.
But there are still a few words I would like to post on this day.
See, today would have been the 9th months, if julia and I didn’t
break up the 1st of october. Since then, many things have
happened around BlaatSchaap, and also outside BlaatSchaap.
Not everything that happened is to be mentioned in public,

There were some bad days at BlaatSchaap, but peace and
happyness have returned to BlaatSchaap. And also love,
Sara and Lars now. Oh well… when I told Joyce, I knew
she wouldn’t beleive it, it was quitte funny on skype.
Anyways, much happyness to the new couple.

And an other couple I want to wish much happyness is
Julia and Brian. Maybe some of you may think it is weird
that i do so, but, even through I still love her, what I want
is her to be happy, and if that is without me, then that is fine.
Just be happy, that is all I ask them for.

love you all,
and till the next post :)