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How to be successful in life?
What does that even mean?
Making your own choices, and live with
the results, whatever they might be.
Maybe that’s what it means?

In February, I started studying at the
Eindhoven University of Technology.
I’ve moved out, living on my own since
March. My choices. My own choices.
I have more freedom now, not living
with my family now. I am free to do
what I want. But that also means I am
free to screw up now. With that, I mean,
if something goes wrong, it was my fault,
no one else to blaim. But it also means,
if something goes wrong, it’s my problem,
I don’t have to justify it to anyone, just myself.

Let’s see…. I started studying in February.
Now, I am taking the basic math and linear
algebra and logic courses again. I failed for those
tests half a year ago. I will also have to take the
statistics a course again, which I also failed.

At the beginning of this year, I wasn’t very stable.
That might explain why I didn’t pass all my tests.
Let me say, I even worse before I started studying,
and nowadays I am feeling much better. But what
was going on, earlier this year?

Like I said, I wasn’t being very stable, and, like I
mentioned before in my other blogposts, there was
Joshua. I was in love with him, and he made me happy.

But, what was the problem then? I was too dependant.
I depended on him to be happy. It was like, I could only
be happy when I was talking to him, and so, I spend all
my time talking to him, neglecting my homework. And so
I failed my tests.

But like I said, my problem, not yours! I will take the test
again, and succeed this time. That’s the plan! And I am
not giving up that plan, because, like I said, I am here,
here in Eindhoven, only because it was my choice.

This is my life, my choices, and I am not allowing anyone
to stop me from doing what I choose to do. And even if I
will fail, then it’s only because of the choices I made.

And I might have explained why I failed the first time, but
also, that was my choice, I didn’t have to do that.

Even if I will fail university, I will still be successful in life,
because, it was all because of my choices, and what resulted
from them, and not because I let you made that choice for me.

P.S. I might blog some more soon ;) I might have some
inspiration by some conversations I had recently.

Yeah, another post, I am spamming, allright?
I can think about a few more things I wish to
write down. Well…. like I mentioned in my
previous post, I was supposed to do my AJAX
stuff during summer vacation, but I didn’t.
No movitation, no inspiration.

Well… the reason behind the lack of
motivation, well… I was just emotionally
not feeling like doing something like that.

I guess…. I wasn’t feeling that well the
first half of this year. Not complaining though,
I’ve mentioned this before, I don’t want to use
the word depressed, since, compared to
December 2005, it was nothing.

Then, how did I get through the first
half of this year? Well, I guess, most of
the people who read this already know
the answer to that… was Joshua.

Man, I was really in love with him, and then,
from one day to the next, he started acting
like never anything happened between us.

It wasn’t going well between us for a while.
It started when summer vacation started, and
that also explains why no coding happened
during summer, since I was feeling sick because
I missed Josh so much. Yet another time my
heart was broken. Another love disappeared
into nothingness. Is that all that ever happens to me?

I think I will tell more in another blogpost, because
there are still many things, on various related
subjects I want to tell.

But Josh…. the thing that bothers me most is the way
it ended. He just started acting like nothing ever
happened, even though, just days before, he was
saying things like he would always be there for me,
yada yada, then, he disappeared, and then,
when he returned, he was acting, well,
like nothing ever happened. But the worst thing is,
when I asked him about it, he refused to answer.

Yet, to the point where I am now…. do I wish I
never knew him? The answer is… I wouldn’t
want to change anything that happened,
I was having a tough time, and he helped me through.
He even made me happy, if only for a short while,
he did.

And besides that, because of Joshua, I’ve made some
new friends on facebook. People I wouldn’t know
without him, so, in the end, I wouldn’t even want to
change anything to what happened. The people I
know because of him, and an old friends I started
talking to again, because of him.

And when I think about it….it’s all a chain of events,
everything started, that afternoon, at college, that
afternoon, when I decided not to go home get, but
sit in the canteen and surf a bit on the internet….
An action, seeming to insignificant, but it seems,
that decision had a huge impact on my life.

Okay, people started complaining I should blog some more,
so, here it goes.

I’ve finally started something that I planned to do during summer
vacation. But until recently, I was lacking inspiration and motivation.

But, what I planned to do, and what I started to do, is take a look
at JavaScript and more specifically, AJAX.

I’ve never used the language before, but well… it’s just another
language. The basics of coding are the same anyways.

So, what I trying to do, is to bring the BlaatSchaap site to a new
level. Let’s call it “BlaatSchaap Live”. Basically, it means, let the
site do stuff that facebook does. Notifications if someone leaves
you a comment, without refreshing, and stuff like that.

When I started working on the current site, about two years
ago, I decided to do no JavaScript. Everything would be
server rendered, to make the site depend on the browser
as least as possible. In practice, it turned out, old browsers
wouldn’t render the site correctly anyways.
*casts a dirty look at internet explorer* Yeah, Internet Explorer,
older then version 8, renders CSS in a…. rather weird way.
This is something I experienced with the Radio BlaatSchaap
site back in the days. Two divs next to each other, with the
same height specified in the CSS would render with a
different height.

Well… enough about that. *casts another dirty look at MSIE*
That browser is officially ‘unsupported’ at my website anyways.

So, AJAX, JavaScript and PHP it is. So, I am rewriting everything.
Both server side and client side. I am working on a more modular
design too. I am thinking about writing a server rendered version too,
within the same new modular design, I am trying to separate functionality
from rendering code.

In the old design, it was all-in-ons. Every functionality module just added
it’s output (HTML code) into a variable, that get’s echo’d in the end.
In the new design, everything gets stored as XML in a variable.
In AJAX mode, XML renderer, the XML code gets simply echo’d
again.

If I decide to create a server rendered version of the site, this XML
gets processed again and so the content will be generated. This
may seem a little double work, encoding and decoding XML again,
but this way I can generate my content more flexible.

Current BlaatSchaap mobile support is also minimal. And the rendering
of the mobile part is also determined in the functional modules, another
reason to implement the new design.

There are also some other things about the current BlaatSchaap site that
must be changed, but I’ve decided to change them while rewriting, since
everything will be re-designed to fit in the new modular structure.
I am talking about redesigning the messaging system, adding photo album
support rather then just photo uploads.

A new feature I already started working on in the old model, and that
most likely won’t appear live in the old design, is a ‘facebook-like’ wall
support. The current WIP implementation already supports posting
external photos to your wall, with on server image caching.
Well… this feature will have to be ported to the new structure.

I might even restart some other BSCP’s (BlaatSchaap Coding Projects)
that have been frozen for the past years.

*pokes Nuky*  I might even consider BlaatNET ;) I even have my
plans for that :P

Another project, that has been sitting in the freezer for years
is BlaatScrobbler. This project was frozen because I had some
Mutex problems, on Windows, that is. and as you might know,
Windows is not my favourite OS, and that includes coding for it.
Interprocesscommunication, you know. I have my shared memory
working, but I need to signal my application when it can read data
from the shared memory, but that damn mutex refused to wait…

Yeah, that was another coding project from long ago.
So much to do….. so much I should have done the past
years. But now, now I finally have found my motivation,
I have more important stuff to do, like studying for my exams.
Damn math!

When you google for information about converting NTFS to ext2/3/4,
you will find many pages saying it’s impossible.
Actually, it’s possible, and rather simple to perform this conversion.

The command to perform this conversion is “anyconvertfs”,
which is part of the “anyfs-tools” package.

[root@blaatkonijn andre]# anyconvertfs  /dev/sdd1 ext3


Converting of “/dev/sdd1” from fuseblk to ext3

New filesystem label: “”

Old filesystem blocksize: 4096

Blocksize for new filesystem: 4096

Mount point: “/tmp/anyconvertfs2910/mountpoint”

Mount options: “rw”

Temporary directory: “/tmp/anyconvertfs2910”

Inode table: “/tmp/anyconvertfs2910/inodetable”

First step which destroy old filesystem: 5

Rescue List: “/tmp/anyconvertfs2910/rescue.list”

Rescue Directory: “/tmp/anyconvertfs2910/rescue”

Please, attentively check information above,

and then press Enter



Step 1. Building inode table (with build_it).

build_it 0.85.1c (19 Jun 2010)

creating inode table: 99.84% (18383/18413) done   

Done


Step 1a. Rescue (copy) files not aligned with block boundaries.

Done


Step 2. Noops (check if enough space) reblock anyfs (with reblock).

Good. Filesystem already has 4096 blocksize

Skip


Step 3. Reblock anyfs (with reblock).

Skip


Step 4. Noops (check if enough space) build new filesystem (with “build_e2fs”).

build_e2fs 0.85.1c (19 Jun 2010)

Filesystem label=

OS type: Linux

Block size=4096 (log=2)

Fragment size=4096 (log=2)

61063168 inodes, 122096000 blocks

6104800 blocks (5.00%) reserved for the super user

First data block=0

3727 block groups

32768 blocks per group, 32768 fragments per group

16384 inodes per group

Superblock backups stored on blocks: 

32768, 98304, 163840, 229376, 294912, 819200, 884736, 1605632, 2654208, 

4096000, 7962624, 11239424, 20480000, 23887872, 71663616, 78675968, 

102400000


Starting search of info blocks at system blocks

Search user info at system blocks: 99.99% (122084808/122096000) done   

Releasing blocks of system info successful

Starting building ext2fs filesystem

building inodes: 100.00% (135772/135776) done   

Creating journal (32768 blocks): 

Done


Step 5. Build new filesystem (with “build_e2fs”).

Sleep 7 seconds… It’s your last chance to save the old filesystem.

Press Ctrl+C to cancel converting.

7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0…

build_e2fs 0.85.1c (19 Jun 2010)

Filesystem label=

OS type: Linux

Block size=4096 (log=2)

Fragment size=4096 (log=2)

61063168 inodes, 122096000 blocks

6104800 blocks (5.00%) reserved for the super user

First data block=0

3727 block groups

32768 blocks per group, 32768 fragments per group

16384 inodes per group

Superblock backups stored on blocks: 

32768, 98304, 163840, 229376, 294912, 819200, 884736, 1605632, 2654208, 

4096000, 7962624, 11239424, 20480000, 23887872, 71663616, 78675968, 

102400000


Starting search of info blocks at system blocks

Search user info at system blocks: 99.99% (122084808/122096000) done   

Releasing blocks of system info successful

Writing inode tables: 99.97% (3726/3727) done   

Starting building ext2fs filesystem

building inodes: 100.00% (135772/135776) done   

Creating journal (32768 blocks): done

Writing superblocks and filesystem accounting information: done


This filesystem will be automatically checked every 32 mounts or

180 days, whichever comes first.  Use tune2fs -c or -i to override.

Done


Step 5a. Move rescued files to new filesystem.

Done

Inode table was saved. See “/tmp/anyconvertfs2910/inodetable”.

rmdir: failed to remove `/tmp/anyconvertfs2910′: Directory not empty

Successful

Sooo…. as my facebook friends might
already know through my status updates,
I am at my dad’s place, in Point, a town
near Munich.

So, I arrived here last sunday, and I will
leave next sunday, since my classes start
again on monday.

So, monday we (My dad, Yolande and me) went
to the botanic garden (Botanischer Garten)
and Nymphenburg castle. I have uploaded
photos to Facebook and MyOpera. I guess
I’ll upload them to Hyves as well.

I’ve made some more photos in Munich
yesterday, but I will upload them later.

I am using my dads laptop now. He’s using
an UMTS modem, since there is no fixed
line possible where he lives.

I can’t use my own internet now, since I
am already through my roaming data limit.
Yeah, that new european law that limits the
maximal costs for roaming data traffic kicked
in.

SSL

So, it seems I can get a free valid signed SSL certificate
from https://www.startssl.com/

It should be working now on https://www.blaatschaap.be
No more nagging about self-signed certificate and so.

Well… now… my little problem the startssl.com site caused.
As it uses a personal SSL certificate for logging in. As I
signed up to this site using Chrome on Linux, it installed
this certificate into Chrome. Bad bad Chrome, it didn’t
ask for my permission!
But that’s not the problem yet…. the problem is backupping it.

Chrome for Linux doesn’t appear to have a certificate
management tool build in. All it does it refer to this site
http://code.google.com/p/chromium/wiki/LinuxCertManagement

Well…. after looking around a bit I found
a GUI tool for managing Mozilla style certificate databases
https://fedorahosted.org/nss-gui/

And so, I have been able to back up the file, still I think
Google should integrate such a tool into their browser.

Nice to use open standards for storing your certificated,
I mean, it’s a great decision. But having to use an external
tool to manage your certificates is not optimal.

So… I wrote something about religion a while ago, and I promised to write some more about the subject.

Right… so… let me take you back to a time when I was a wiccan. I had a friend, who didn’t accept my religion, a friend who said I was being deceived by the devil himself. A friend who asked me if I wasn’t affraid I wouldn’t burn in hell for not believing in his God.

Later, it turned out this friend was being brainwashed by this sect. He managed to get out of this sect, but then, he was talking to me, talking about returning there. In that sect, he felt like he found a place where people cared about him, a place where he had friends.

But when he was out, he was all alone again, alone against he big bad world. And even though in that sect he didn’t have freedom. The music he liked to listen, and the music he liked to make himself, was being disapproved, for example. But still, he was thinking about going back there…

What does this mean??? What does it mean??? Maybe it’s not about believing in their God at all, maybe it’s just about belonging somewhere, to belong to a group. To be accepted… But in the end, to be accepted for someone you are not.

To belong somewhere, to be accepted, isn’t that what turned Christianity to it’s success in it’s early days. Yes, there have been the days of the Inquisition where non-believers were being punished, but before that?

The image of the devil was created after the Gods of the old religions. So, after converting enough people, peer pressure would persuide the ones not converted yet, and even…. made them prepared to kill those who didn’t believe in their new God.

Also, I wonder, what was the world like, before Christianity was forced upon the people. Things like marriage were things done by the Church in the early days. But what were relationships like before Christianity? Christianity promoted monogamous relationships, right? But were
they like that before Christianity?

Now, let me take a little detour to science fiction, okay? Star Trek: Enterprise. On board of this Enterprise, there is this Doctor Phlox, a Denobulan. In the Star Trek: Enterprise series, there are a few episodes in wich the Denobulan society, and their polygamous relationships have a role.

The way I watch the Star Trek series, and observe the different social structures of different species, makes me think sometimes as a reflection of our own. It makes me sometimes think they were created to question our own.

People, It has been a long time since I posted
here in my blog. And I’ve promised to write
about this subject a long time ago. Well….
were do I start.

So, last Friday I had my last exam, so it’s
summer vacation now. So, I’ve spend the
weekend at a friend’s place. Well, actually,
we went to Amsterdam on Saturday.

In Amsterdam, we went also to
the Amsterdam Dungeon. A tour through
the dark past of the city. Yes, it’s just a ride
for tourist, I realise that, but it’s based on
historical facts. And the first scene in history
we get to see…. the Spanish Inquisition.
People being tortured and killed, in the love
of God.

Isn’t that why, centuries ago, people fled
Europe, immigrated to the New World,
America, to be free in their religion?

Religion, yeah? That’s what this post was
supposed to be about. Well. my original
plans contained two posts, one general
post and one personal post. Oh well…
it will be a long read, so yeah, where was I?

So, I’ve spend the weekend at my friend’s
place (I am still there). So, yesterday morning
(yes, the 4th of July,  but yeah, we’re in the
Netherlands, we’ve different national days,
do you know any of them???) So, in the morning
I was talking to my friend, about my views about
religion, the world, etc.
Oh, it’s nice talking to open minded people ;)

Of topic: Quote time: “The mind is like a
parachute, it only works when it’s open”

My friend also told me about his vacation in Mexico,
and about the nature religions there. He said he
respects that kind of religions. Well, that’s a point
where we agree ;).  Nature religions often include
rituals and magic. And trust me, magic works.

Okay, now I’ve mentioned nature religions, I would
like to take you back to a part of my childhood.
(Oh, yes, it seems I am combining both my planned
general and personal post, so take your time reading this)

So, as I guess, some of you might already know, I was
baptised at the age of three, when my mother was dying.
When I was a kid I went to a Catholic Primary School,
simply, because it was the closest one to where I lived.
In the province where I grew up, they are rather common.

But even though it was a Catholic Primary School, it
was a tolerant one. The immigrants children, Muslims,
they were threaded just the same like everyone else.
And when we had ‘religion class’ they went to their
own class. Oh, yes, as you see, it’s possible to be
tolerant, and even give Muslims class about their own
religion on a Catholic Primary School.

Yes, that’s the place I grew up in my very young years.
I’ve heard about Catholic Primary Schools, where it was
compulsory to be baptised to be allowed to attend it.

So, yeah, I attended this Catholic Primary School, and so
I did my First Communion at the age of 6. I mean, back then
I already realised Christianity was a lot of bullshit, sorry
to say so, but it is. But yeah, I think to most 6-year-olds it
would just be a party, presents, and stuff, right?

Well, at primary school, I had, of course, history class too.
We had to learn about ancient european people, and also
their religion and their Gods and Goddesses. That history
class, it inspired me. But I was tought those religions were
gone. I was tought Christianity was forced upon the people,
and if you didn’t agree you would be burned as witch. Yes,
they tought that at a Catholic School, keep that in mind.
I remember what the head master once told us, he said that
in his days you got beaten if you said you didn’t believe.

I was attending this Catholic Primary School, so at the age
of 12, I did this ‘Confirmation’ (nl: Vormsel). I remember
some priest making a cross on my forehead with some kind
of… vaseline, I guess. Don’t know how to describe it.

Okay, now we’ll make a little time jump. There happened
some important things in my life in the time in between,
but since I’m talking about religion today, I’ll skip that.
So, we’re going to the year 2002. In that time, I was
attending a ‘Senior Secondary Technical School’
(nl: MBO)  (Leeuwenborgh Opleidingen)

So, I was attending this school, right? Back then, I didn’t
have an internet connection at ‘home’ (I was already living
at my aunt and uncle’s place for a few years in that time)
So, I used the schools computer room for my internet needs.
Afin, I know it isn’t polite to look over someone’s shoulder,
but I noticed someone looking at this website about witchcraft,
and I just looked to see what URL this person was visiting.
So, that was when I first read about Wicca. When I read about
it, I had a feeling like “This is what I have been looking for
all my life.” And then I bought a book about Wicca. 
“Heksen en Witte Magie” by “Lucy Summers” 
This first book had a very open style. I mean, it’s opinion,
how it told about Wicca, it was very open minded. It 
presented Wicca in a way I would like to see a religion.
Later, on the internet, I found some ‘purists’ claiming that
only people who follow the specific ‘traditions’ 
(nl: stromingen) (some things are hard for me to tell in 
english, since these are subjects I usually don’t discuss)
should be allowed to call themselves Wiccans. So, 
since then, I preferred to use the word Pagan to
describe my ‘religion’.
But later on in my life, due certain disappointments 
in life, in certain people, I could say I’ve even lost that.
I went from Pagan to Agnost to Atheist. Maybe I could
way I am Spiritual, not Religious. Maybe… but the past
months, I might have been thinking about using the word
Pagan again? But yeah… my views aren’t exactly the 
typical Pagan view either.
If I would start talking about my views, I suppose I would
be flamed by both fundamentalist Christians as well by
fundamentalist Atheists! So, Religions…. the question,
‘Do you believe in God(s/es(ses))?’ Well… before 
answering that question, I’ll ask the question ‘What
is God?’ first. **Gets ready to be shot** In my point
of view, I would say, ‘God’ is the ‘collective subconscious’
of all living things on the planet. Every living soul
together is God. 
Well…. I guess that’s it for now. I’ve written a long post,
and I will write some more, I promise. Now, shoot me,
Religious Fundamentalists! SHOOT ME!!! 

Work?

As you might now, before I started university,
I had a job at a software company. But I wasn’t
happy at that place.

I think my work was boring and below my skill
level. Also, my colleagues were part of the
problem. It’s not that they weren’t nice people.
Please don’t understand me wrong, they haven’t
done anything wrong. It’s just, they were so
different from me, their way of thinking, that
I just felt so left out. I didn’t belong to that place.

As for my job, I think, the most important thing that
was wrong with it is that I could do anything creative.
I was just adjusting the interface to the new style,
making some templates for reports, and stuff. I mean
pretty boring…. and mind-numbing ,,, depressing.

When I was doing my thesis work in Sweden,
I mean, the stuff I did there, I had my freedom
to be creative, and to find my own solutions to
the task I had to do. I liked the atmosphere there.
Working on the OpenLabs project was fun, and I
can imagine working on a place like that.

So, I have mentioned before, I was
thinking about the story I started a
few years ago. I have also been thinking
about drawing stuff again…

May I take you back, again, to the time
I was coding the BlaatSchaap site, and
think about what it was supposed to
become. It was supposed to become a
place to share thoughts and creativity.

I was going to make a place to submit
art, written as well as graphic. Drawings,
paintings, stories, poems, everything.

Apart from that it was also a place
where we were planning to study
each others languages, and a lot more.

Great ideas, but I can’t make them come
true alone. I need people who want to
co-operate on this. And the interest from
the BlaatSchaap community turned out
to be low.

And yes, even the person who liked those
ideas a lot, yes, Nuky, I mean you, let me
down on this. I guess, this is also the reason
I wanted new people to join BlaatSchaap.

But yeah… then… for me… I had this mind-numbing
job, making me feel exhausted and depressed…
but now I am at university, I want to try to be creative
again…. but I need some help! So people! Move your
asses!