André's Blog

One week ago, I would be dumped by Julia in a new hours.
Now, after one week of freedom. I am happy. I haven’t been
this happy in a while.
Even Shanna said on Skype that I sounds like a different person now.
And this moring at breakfast, my uncle was like wtf, you are smiling
you never do so in the morning.
So,I suppose, it is better this way.

But, Julia, she was ignoring me till yesterday, then we had a kinda
conversation at last.fm shoutbox thingie. She is just being selfish,
and just telling more lies. And she removed it afterwards, no
evidense that it ever took place. The fact that she removed it,
just proves that I am right, it just proves that she lied.

So, let this be a warning : bever date crazy shrink-biting emo bitches!

Goedemorgen!

Ik zit nu bij hans thuis.
Ik zou dus eigenlijk in de programmeer les moeten zitten,
maar de NS heeft besloten vandaag niet te rijden tussen
Roermond en Weert, vanwege een defecte bovenleiding.
De trein die via Venlo naar Eindhoven gaat, was een veel
te kort treintje waar de mensjes als sardientjes in een
blik. Dus Hans, die ik daar op het station tegenkwam,
en ik, zijn dus naar bij hem thuis gegaan.
‘t is dat ik vanmiddag nog naar dat kut project moet,
anders was ik toch naar huis gegaan.

Dus, lang leve het openbaar vervoer!

“Happy, free, and independent again”
That were my words just a few hours ago.
But … now it starts getting late, and it is
dark outside. I feel like shit again. I miss
her so much right now. And tomorrow again
I will be happy all day, untill the evening.
The evening, because, that is the time we
always used to talk.

*sigh*

I have been a fool, to not see, to not want to see,
that is was over, but the signs were there for months.
How her beautiful singing voice, that sounds of her voice
that used to make me happy and calm, how that voice
turned cold as ice. Almost hurting my ears listening to it.
And when I asked if something was wrong, she said she
had a cold. But what she really ment was her heart was cold.
How she once used to laugh about ‘weeemooo’ but recently
she acted like she didn’t hear it at all.
And so, I can go on, about all little things, that I didn’t see,
that I didn’t want to see, but, all the signs that is was going
to end, they were there already for a while.

I have been a fool in the beginning. What I did back then.
It wasn’t nice at all. Yes, I have been honest, but what I
did wan’t nice at all. The way I left Joyce for Julia. And I
don’t think I deserve a 3rd chance witj Joyce. But right
now, I wish I didn’t leave Joyce in the first place. Joyce,
here, she was here, close to me, real, and I changed that
for a dream, just a line on my screen. I have been a fool.

But now, this morning, when the fresh breeze went through
my hair, I realised how good freedom feels. Yes, I am
free again.

Well … I guess … I can say the news is old now,
There is no more Julia and me. My opinion about
what happened chaged a lot. The very few hours
after it, it changed a lot, and now the days after it,
talking about it to very different persons, who look
at it from a very different point of view. Some people
had a very unique explaination about what happen.
Looking at it, from different points of view. Seeings
things in a way I didn’t think of before. Even including
points of view, that noone mentioned, but still.

I guess I am taking this better then I expected I would.
But … Justin. Justin, he has a really bad time now Sara
left him. I guess, I say this for all BlaatSchapers, if you
need to talk, you can always talk to us.

So, for now. Maybe I am going to create a timeline, with everything
that happened between Julia and me from the start. But
there will be a time missing, because my laptop died in may.
There will be a lot missing from before that date.
But if I have to point a time it started to fade away, it was the
time i got over my depression, wich I suffered from in the time
when I met Julia. Back in the beginning we needed each other.
And, I guess Wouter was right, when he said that we shouldn’t
stay together because we need each ohter, because what
happened after we got over that, when we didn’t need each
other anymore, our feelings started to fade away. Because…
because … we were together for the wrong reasons.

Je hebt het gister allemaal al gelezen, maar

http://www.xs4all.nl/~andrevs/the_full_story.html

lees het hele verhaal, inclusief chatlogs en alles.

So, as promised, here, the full story will be… inclusive chatlogs and stuffs.

It started yesterday, like being a sunday like every other.
But … Julia didn’t talk to me … untill almost 9 PM.
And she said … she said she didn’t love me anymore.

[1-10-2006 20:49:07] Julia Pineo zegt: this is going to be hard to say…
[1-10-2006 20:49:10] Julia Pineo zegt: but…
[1-10-2006 20:49:12] Julia Pineo zegt: I…
[1-10-2006 20:49:14] Julia Pineo zegt: don’t…
[1-10-2006 20:49:17] Julia Pineo zegt: think….
[1-10-2006 20:49:19] Julia Pineo zegt: I….
[1-10-2006 20:49:21] Julia Pineo zegt: love,,,,
[1-10-2006 20:49:23] Julia Pineo zegt: you….
[1-10-2006 20:49:25] Julia Pineo zegt: anymore
[1-10-2006 20:49:35] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: ;(
[1-10-2006 20:49:40] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: why?
[1-10-2006 20:49:58] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: **goes insane**
[1-10-2006 20:50:00] Julia Pineo zegt: it’s been feeling worse and worse for several months now…
[1-10-2006 20:50:10] Julia Pineo zegt: any shred of feeling I had left for you…. I think it’s gone now…
[1-10-2006 20:50:21] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: ;( ;( ;( ;(
[1-10-2006 20:50:32] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: **starts to hyperventilate**
[1-10-2006 20:50:38] Julia Pineo zegt: and… I’m sorry… but…
[1-10-2006 20:50:39] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: why????? ;( why???????
[1-10-2006 20:50:46] Julia Pineo zegt: I guess this is the way it has to be
[1-10-2006 20:50:50] Julia Pineo zegt: and I don’t know why
[1-10-2006 20:50:52] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: what happened to the promise of forever?
[1-10-2006 20:51:04] Julia Pineo zegt: …. as I said, I always break promises

That moment, my world broke down, i have no worlds for what i felt that moment.
My heart beating insane, almost hyperventilating, this tinteling feeling in my fingers.
I lost everyting I lived for, everything I beleived in. All my dreams, dreams I had
for the future, all, gone that moment.

« song : The Beatles : Yesterday » « Download » « Lyrics »

[1-10-2006 21:01:31] Julia Pineo zegt: and what you felt was true…
[1-10-2006 21:01:36] Julia Pineo zegt: sometimes what your heart says
[1-10-2006 21:01:41] Julia Pineo zegt: and what your mind says
[1-10-2006 21:01:45] Julia Pineo zegt: are different things
[1-10-2006 21:02:16] Julia Pineo zegt: always go with your mind
[1-10-2006 21:02:21] Julia Pineo zegt: because the heart can lie
[1-10-2006 21:02:28] Julia Pineo zegt: your mind does’t
[1-10-2006 21:02:37] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: then I guess in that we differ, I follow my heart

I wish I listened to my feeling, to my intuition, trying to tell me this was going to happen

[1-10-2006 21:07:05] Julia Pineo zegt: I think there’s a reason for this
[1-10-2006 21:07:09] Julia Pineo zegt: I’m not ready for love
[1-10-2006 21:07:15] Julia Pineo zegt: I’m not ready for commitment
[1-10-2006 21:07:17] Julia Pineo zegt: I need to fly
[1-10-2006 21:07:29] Julia Pineo zegt: I don’t need a man to complete my life, and I’m fine with that

Oh really… that is not what you said in the beginning.

[1-10-2006 21:08:44] Julia Pineo zegt: even though I may be mature, I’m not mature enough to deal with the emotions of love
[1-10-2006 21:08:55] Julia Pineo zegt: and, if I lack them, the better to my wellbeing
[1-10-2006 21:10:19] Julia Pineo zegt: and maybe, this whole time, it wasn’t love at all
[1-10-2006 21:10:25] Julia Pineo zegt: maybe I have never known love

I suppose, you will never know the meaning of real love, I was just a toy.

[1-10-2006 21:13:51] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: the letters you did send, is there even a word of truth in there …
[1-10-2006 21:13:59] Julia Pineo zegt: yes…
[1-10-2006 21:14:07] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: i wish the world was flat like the old days ….
[1-10-2006 21:14:09] Julia Pineo zegt: when I wrote those…. it was true then

Even that, I don’t know if I should beleive that anymore.

[1-10-2006 21:15:27] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: does that still matter now?
[1-10-2006 21:15:39] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: you lied to me!!!!
[1-10-2006 21:15:53] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: how can I know what you are saying is true or not???
[1-10-2006 21:15:57] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: how can I still tell?
[1-10-2006 21:16:00] Julia Pineo zegt: … I was lying to myself as well
[1-10-2006 21:16:13] Julia Pineo zegt: every word was a cut to my lips….
[1-10-2006 21:16:35] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: so …
[1-10-2006 21:16:36] Julia Pineo zegt: I kept trying to tell myself I loved you still
[1-10-2006 21:16:49] Julia Pineo zegt: but… it wouldn’t come back
[1-10-2006 21:16:57] Julia Pineo zegt: I wish I still loved you… I really do…
[1-10-2006 21:17:02] Julia Pineo zegt: but that feeling… it won’t come back
[1-10-2006 21:17:06] Julia Pineo zegt: no matter how hard I try
[1-10-2006 21:17:36] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: *sigh*
[1-10-2006 21:17:38] Julia Pineo zegt: so, I’m not ready for this
[1-10-2006 21:17:43] Julia Pineo zegt: and maybe you aren’t either
[1-10-2006 21:18:03] Julia Pineo zegt: I’m not worth your time and effort
[1-10-2006 21:18:05] Julia Pineo zegt: I never was
[1-10-2006 21:18:11] Andre van Schoubro… zegt: my angel is flying away
[1-10-2006 21:18:11] Julia Pineo zegt: a lovesick little bitch who lies
[1-10-2006 21:18:23] Julia Pineo zegt: it is because you held it too tightly
[1-10-2006 21:19:06] Julia Pineo zegt: so, farewell, and perhaps one day, I shall speak to you again without dying inside

And she blocked me. She just blocked me. Back then, I said,
“My angel flew away” … but … she never was an Angel, that
soon turned out.

Why did she leave me? Is it something i said? Did I do someting wrong?

Like two weeks ago, I had already the feeling that Julia was ignoring me.
Everyone telling me not to worry about it. Or even before that.
Whenever she got back from school, and I asked her to Skype,
she was already Skyping with Sara. All those little things that
happened. Things that made me worry about loosing Julia,
but everyone told me not to worry about it. In the end, my intuition
was right after all. Somewere I sensed it coming, but I didn’t want to
beleive it.

At that moment, I didn’t see things like I see them now, in those
few hours after that a lot became clear. But not having all information,
makes you jump to the wrong conclusion very easely, especially when
there are emotions involved.

At one moment, Justin entered the BlaatSchaap chatroom, and I told
him what happened. And now … it turned out, Sara left Justin that same day.

after pasting the logs also shown above:
okt 01 22:06:52 Andre I swear this is odd
okt 01 22:07:54 *sigh*
okt 01 22:08:01 it is over ….
okt 01 22:08:07 :'(
okt 01 22:08:16 Andre WTF
okt 01 22:08:22 me too WTF?
okt 01 22:08:25 OMG WTF
okt 01 22:08:28 * HentaiXP stabs himself
okt 01 22:08:38 the promise of forever turned out to be a lie?
okt 01 22:08:45 what???
okt 01 22:09:09 what??? how??? you too???
okt 01 22:09:52 yeah

And that being even weirder after having seen the next lines in the morning.

okt 01 03:51:51 gracie, you still alive?
okt 01 03:51:57 somewhat
okt 01 03:52:10 having a heart to heart talk with sara atm
okt 01 03:52:16 ah ok

Like I said, easy to jump to the wrong conclusion at moments like that.
At that moment, it seemed they were like planning this together, wouldn’t you
too if you have seen that? But, as I said … so easy to jump to the wrong
conclusions at a moment like that, and again Sara, I am sorry if I accused
you of something.

« song : Marco Borsato – Waarom nou jij? » « Download » « Lyrics »

So … immedialely when this happened. I was also talking to Shanna, Patrick
and Joyce on Skype. Real friend who are there when you need them.
Still asking myself why this happened to me, why she had to leave me.
So … Shanna started talking to Julia on MSN. And what Julia said,
it shocked us all, Shanna was even crying about this.

Shanna says: hey
Julia says: hey
Shanna says: can i ask what happened today?
Julia says: well… if you’re a bit more specific, I can answer that a little easier
Shanna says: well…. why the break-up all of a sudden?
Shanna says: it was out of nowhere
Julia says: it wasn’t really all of sudden….
Julia says: I’ve been losing that feeling with him since may…
Shanna says: that long ago?
Julia says: ….yes
Shanna says: why? what happened?
Julia says: nothing happened… it just started to slip away
Julia says: and now… none of it’s left
Shanna says: =20
Julia says: and the worst thing is… I feel happy about it
Shanna says: why?
Julia says: I feel free
Julia says: I feel liberated
Julia says: I feel like nothing is there to hold me down
Julia says: andre was just nothing more than a burden to me anymore
Julia says: he was holding me down like a ball and chain
Shanna says: *shakes head*
Shanna says: sry… stupid lag
Julia says: it’s alright
Julia says: I’m just not ready for love
Julia says: I have other things I need to explore
Julia says: other things I want to do, but can’t…
Julia says: *couldn’t
Julia says: and well…. thursday, and friday, I od’d
Julia says: I almost cut last night
Shanna says: thats not good
Julia says: yeah…
Julia says: it was because I was confused
Julia says: I’m still a little confused, but, I feel better
Julia says: and at least it wasn’t a total surprise to andre…
Shanna says: he’s a total mess
Julia says: I know… but… I didn’t want to drag it any longer
Julia says: when we had our 6th month anniversary… let’s just say I wasn’t as =
happy as I made it out to be
Julia says: every word I’ve said for a long time to him has been a cut to my lips
Shanna says: =20
Julia says: and, it’s sad to say…. but… it was breaking my heart to lie
Julia says: and now that I’ve told the truth, the only regret I feel is ever loving =
him in the first place
Julia says: because.. when he first said he loved me… I didn’t love him until then
Julia says: it was a rush right then because my most recent crush hadn’t accepted me
Julia says: so truly, he was practically rebound

« song : Death Cab For Cutie – Title and registration » « Download » « Lyrics »

I was just too angry to be said, after reading all that. I was just
too angry. So… a part of the conversation between Shanna and me
after she told me what was going on.

[1:41:30] Andre van Schoubroeck zegt: it was a lie since the first day …
[1:41:36] Shanna Carlson zegt: this is just so horrid…. so awful…..
[1:42:21] Shanna Carlson zegt: and she thinks i understand…..
[1:42:34] Shanna Carlson zegt: *shakes head*
[1:42:36] Shanna Carlson zegt: i never will
[1:43:00] Andre van Schoubroeck zegt: Everything was a fucking lie!!!
[1:43:01] Shanna Carlson zegt: to put you through all this……. what was it? 8 months?…..
[1:43:09] Andre van Schoubroeck zegt: 8 months 1 week
[1:43:29] Shanna Carlson zegt: andre…. i am so sorry….
[1:43:37] Shanna Carlson zegt: i wish i could do more
[1:44:22] Andre van Schoubroeck zegt: http://members.lycos.nl/andrevanschoubroeck/chatlog/julia.txt <-- that is how it began ... Everything … was just a fucking lie. I have been lied to since
the very first day. She fooled us all, And all that talking how awfull
the things were Mimi did to Toni, now, it turned out, she isn’t any better
herself. She showed us her real face, this is who she really is.
After knowing that all, I suppose I am glad it is over, no more lies,
I am free again, escaped from her web of lies.

« song : Cascada – Another You » « Download » « Lyrics »

And because of the weird fact that Sara left Justin at the same date,
we came to the wrong conclusion that they planned this together,
And again, I am sorry if I said anyhing bad to you Sara.

I hope I didn’t forget to mention any important facts. If you
still have questions about this, you can always mail me.

To all my friends, thanks for support, thanks for everything.

Wie het laatst lacht, lacht het best.

There is more to come …
more facts about Julia …
it feels like i ended up in a cheap move.
something like a soap that housewifes watch.

I will post the full story soon.
Stay tuned.

oh mensen toch, de rest van de avond gister, kwam de
hele waarheid aan het licht, alles was een leugen,
van voor toch achter, vanaf de allereeste dag.

ik post binnenkort het hele verhaal,

maar meiske: wie het laatst lacht, lacht het best.

SO, it is over between Julia and me …
She left me … she just left me …
for whatever what reason. Did I say something bad?
Did I do something wrong? … angels have wings …

I am somewhat calmed down now, but … the moment
she told me it was over …
my heart beating insane,
almost hyperventilating,
this tinteling feeling in my fingers…
It was shocked … It was like …. I don’t know
I have no words to tell what I felt that moment.

**listening to marco borsato – waarom nou jij**
for the i don’t know how many times