André's Blog

Here are some old photos of me … the first four are school pictures.

weet je … ik heb de afgelopen dagen nog wat zitten
denken, over wie ik was en wie ik vandaag ben.
Ik ben nu zowat het tegenovergestelde van wie ik
voor de afgelopen zomer was, niet alleen ben ik
na de zomer aan mijn hbo begonnen, lid geworden
van demos en zo voort, maar toch meer dan alleen
dat, ik heb al eerder gezegd, de ik van een jaar
geleden ziet er als een vreemde voor mij nu uit.
Maar nu, heb ik mijn eigen terug gevonden, ik
ben mezelf weer.
Misschien ben ik hier ook eens over gaan denken
doordat ik een paar dagen geleden in mijn dagboek
had terug gelezen, dat begon in mei 1999, en toen
schreef ik dingen die ik nu misschien ook zou kunnen
schrijven … over hoe ik geld haatte, en dat de wereld
rot was … maar ja … wat wil je als je vanaf je 9e
word beloofd dat we binnenkort rijk zouden zijn…

Zo te zien heer Mijnheer 213.84.241.246 de weg
naar mijn blog gevonden … om zielig te komen
doen … sorry maar wij hebben hier geen trek in,
Ga een ander vervelen, misschien eens in het
echte leven, waar je een mep voor je kop krijgt
als je zo in het echt doet, want durf je wel, lekker
anoniem vanachter je toetsenbord mensen lastig
te vallen, zo laag is dat he … zo laag … dat je
het eigenlijk niet eens waard bent dat ik dit typ.

Dus 213.84.241.246 als je echt een vent bent,
laat dan weten wie je bent, en als je nog meer
te zeggen hebt, recht in het gezicht !!

Alvast bedankt !!!

A little update about last weekend:
Yesterday I was at school, at the open house.
I was there with Interlink ( www.il.fontys.nl )
A Student Union that promotes Open Source
Software. And I was there with them, to
promote them, and open source software.
Answer questions about Linux/FreeBSD etc.
It was great, just to be there with some friends.

Vanmorgen werd ik wakker met dit liedje in mijn kop:

Death Cab for Cutie – I will follow you into the dark.

Love of mine some day you will die
But I’ll be close behind
I’ll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
“Son fear is the heart of love”
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It’s nothing to cry about
Cause we’ll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

This morning when I woke up,I had this song in my head:

Love of mine some day you will die
But I’ll be close behind
I’ll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
“Son fear is the heart of love”
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It’s nothing to cry about
Cause we’ll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

Ja, school weer begonnen, en WAT DOE IK HIER !!!!
Kom op school, geen leraar te zien, en om kwart
over drie begint de volgende les pas, had kunnen
uitslapen!

*sigh*

So, school started again today … so … i show up at school
but the teacher doesn’t. And the next class is in 4 hours.
I could still be sleeping now … this sucks …. Stupid school !!

So, I am now feelings lots better than last weekend.
A weekend without Julia. It really made me feel bad.
All I did was lie down on my bed, with my laptop,
listening music, chatting on blaatschaap chatroom
to kill time.

Well … friday was still ok, but saturday and sunday were
really a hard time. And to make things worse … saturday
night, a friend of mine on msn, came with some more
bad news, so that made me even feel worse than I already
did.

But well … I guess … one positive thing came out of this.
I gues I made a new friend. And this is because of the
netspilt at freenode. I can’t beleive that those things
happened is coincidence. That netsplit on that moment,
and when my X-Chat rejoined the #Syllable channel,
Brent greets me in the channel, and we started talking.
About the thing that happened on msn,
and about Julia and me.
I was happy about that, to talk.

You know what is weird, like also what happened, when
someone is feeling bad, I always kinda know what to say
to make them feel better, but, when I am feeling bad,
I need someone to say them to me.
( This is about Chloé’s blog, and her comment on my blog )

At this moment there is only one thing I am sure about
in my life, the only thing I am sure about is I love Julia

Ja mensen, weer eens iets van mij.
Er zijn wat niet zo’n fijne dingen gebeurd
gister, slecht nieuws van een vriend op msn.
Maar ik denk dat het beter is nu geen details
te gaan vertellen, nogal persoonlijk, maar dit
raakt me toch echt. En toen dat bericht gister kwam
was ik al niet bepaald happy, door weer andere
redenen.
En dan is er nog Adakar, op blaatschaap, nou ja,
dit heb ik al eerder gezegd, en ik zeg het nu weer
eens, adakar, hij is bezig met zijn emoties weg te
douwen, en daarom ben ik bang dat dat ooit tot een
uitbarsting zal komen, zoals dat met mij in december
was gebeurd. Oké, adakar heeft zijn redenen om dat
te doen, maar ik denk dat hij net om die reden niet
zou moeten doen.
en verder … *zucht* … weet ik veel … blah blah blah

yeah … you are hearing from he again,
I should update my blog a little more frequent :P
anyways…. what has been going on …
Julia hasn’t been online for two days now, had
to go to her grandparents … it seems like forever.
I miss Julia …

So, I wasn’t feeling any happy, and then there
comes some more sad news, a friend on msn,
with sad news, something that did upset me,
I don’t think I should write this down on my
blog, since it is rather personal.

So, then the day before yesterday, about
Joyce … I am not sure yet if she really
understands what Julia means to me.
It is not like that she doesn’t know about us.
I already told this before we started dating.

jan 22 22:33:36 «serenity» just tell me the truth if you (like) gracefullwing more then me
jan 22 22:34:08 «thedarkness» i am sorry, i guess i do, *sigh* but she lives at the other end of the world … *sigh* ..

So, it is not like I am keeping it a secret,
I told Joyce from the beginning, but still,
The day before yesterday, it was still like,
when Adakar talked about it, that Joyce
still doesn’t understand what I feel like.

Talking about feeling, that brings me to
Adakar. He is ignoring his feelings, and I
am worried about him doing so, I am affraid
they will brust out one day, just like what happened
to me in december.

mrt 05 12:52:31 «adakar» emotions betrayed me, I’ll betray them.
mrt 05 12:53:13 «thedarkness» but don’t you see you are only betraying yourself by doing so ?
mrt 05 12:53:14 «adakar» I used to be happy and emotional… that made me a swiss cheese… and it ended in me almost trying to kill myself.
mrt 05 12:53:21 «adakar» ^ read
mrt 05 12:53:35 «adakar» people.
mrt 05 12:54:11 «adakar» emotions have minimum as many security holes as windows does….
mrt 05 12:54:15 «adakar» or had
mrt 05 12:54:34 «thedarkness» i see, but i am worried that this what you are doing now will only makes things worse in the end …
mrt 05 12:54:35 «adakar» people abuse windows… people abuses security holes…
mrt 05 12:54:55 «adakar» dude, going numb saved my god damn worthless life!
mrt 05 12:55:07 «thedarkness» i am affraid that you can’t hold in your emotions for even and it will some day brust out … like what happened to me back in december
mrt 05 12:55:13 «thedarkness» that is why

*sigh* … and tomorrow … school starts again …